Thursday, June 3, 2010

Nope, Still Not Any Easier

I keep thinking that this day will come and pass by unnoticed.  That hasn't happened yet.  It's been 9 years today.  The anxiety starts a few days before, coming on unexepectadly then fading.  Then when June 3rd arrives, that feeling in the pit of my stomach is there all day.

I relive the events of that day 9 years ago.  It was a fairly normal day even though the kids and I were in a different city, helping out my family.  I go through the day, the phone conversations and then the phone calls unanswered, the night spent awake and worried.  Why doesn't he call me back?  Where is he?  I'm not sure why I choose to torture myself that way.

I thought it would be easier by now.  Nine years is a long time.  Life did get easier but June 3rd is not.

I don't know if it ever will be.


Christi said...

I've been thinking of you. I knew the big day was in June but I didn't know when. Hugs...

Wanda said...

Tere, I can't even begin to imagine what this would feel like. I've lost people that were close to me, but never a spouse.

My heart goes out to you this month of June.

Love and Hugs

Niecy said...

I'm a new reader and do not know what happened, but I am really sorry for your loss. I hope you begin to feel better soon.

Tere said...

Thanks for the sweet words everyone.

Niecy - thanks so much for being a reader. And thanks for reminding me that everyone reading does not know that my husband passed away in 2001. It was a few days away from his 40th birthday and a few weeks short of our 20th anniversary.

The short version: My kids, then ages 11 and 15, were with me out of town helping my Mom after she had surgery. My husband stayed behind to work. I talked to my husband several times during the day and called him that evening but got no answer. I called him throughout the night but he never answered. I called his work the next morning and he had not shown up. A friend from work went to the house and found him. He had died of a heart attack.

It's been a struggle but we are doing great now. I really don't mean for this to be depressing for anyone. He was a great guy and a great dad and we celebrate him every day. You can read several posts about him on my blog.

Thanks for allowing me to explain.