Sunday, February 28, 2010

Letting Go

Caseybw One of the hardest things to do as a parent is to let go.  It is our children’s goal in life to move on to be who they will be.  And it should be.  And we should be happy for them.  And I am.  I’m just not ready.

She wants to be a grown up, to make her own decisions, to start her life.  She has a new boyfriend.  He is great and I love him and his family.  We used to be neighbors in Alabama.  Good friends.  In fact, they were “boyfriend and girlfriend” when they were 6 years old and played baseball together.  Cute, huh?  But they are moving so fast.

He lives in the Atlanta area.  She wants to move there and go to a very expensive college.  She goes to a community college now, an affordable community college.  She wants to get a job there.  And an apartment.  And did I mention she wants to move there? 

I’m not worried about her moving to Atlanta.  I have tons of family and friends there so I know there would be any number of people that could help her if she needed help and I couldn’t get there.  I’m not worried about her being there with him, he’s good to her.  I know what it’s like to be in love and in a long distance relationship and feel like you need to see the person and you can’t.  Her dad and I started dating when I was in college in Germany, 2 hours away from where he was.  Then we each moved back to the U.S. but he was in Alabama and I was in Tennessee, 6 hours away from each other.  it was hard but we were in love and we made it work.  The first time we lived close to each other was when we lived with each other after we got married.

The real problem is that I thought I had more time with her.  We are friends.  We like each other.  We hang out.  She hangs out with my friends too.  My son moved out when he was 18 and my daughter was 15.  He came home again, moved out again and has been back home now for almost a year.  He and I are close too but while he was gone it was just me and her.  It was girl time.

But it’s her time now.  She will think through all of this and make a good decision.  I wish she would slow down but I have not ever seen her so happy.  He makes her happy.  But that’s often not enough.  Life is expensive and scary and just plain ole hard.  I have to let her figure it out.  And she will.

I just thought I had more time.


Pauline said...

oh the angst in this post is palpable. We always think we have more time. My baby girl is considering a move from MA to NM, though not immediately thank goodness, but the topic slips into more and more conversations. Like you, I thought I had more time...

Wanda said...

Your daughter is beautiful, and will spread her wings and remember all the wonderful things you taught her..... :)

Each of our adult children who are all married now, left the nest under different circumstance. Some were younger, some older, and some recycled back home a few times. It was never easy to let them go.

Now that we have moved closer to nest is full of grandchildren. That's nice.

Tere said...

Thanks for the supportive comments Wanda and Pauline.

Colleen Courtney said...

I admire that you're able to reflect on this with such an open mind, you seem like a wonderful mother.

Jeany said...

Try to always smile, and it will more easy for us letting something go

Jeanine said...

Wow, I just hit the next blog from my blog and found you.

I read this post about your daughter, I held up until I read the last line.

Did I say, WOW!!!! I too have 19 year old twins and this past August they both moved out at the time time, my head is still spinning.

It made me cry, but a good and "letting go cry". I am bookmarking you now.

From one mom to another.


Tere said...

Colleen and Jeany - I am smiling and accepting more now.

Jeanine - welcome and thanks for the touching sentiments. I guess all moms go through the same things. I'm glad you are here.

Rohini said...

Sweet post..Very beautifully written