Sunday, April 12, 2009

Redneck Road Rage

Easter Sunday was quiet for me. My kids were not home so I knew it would be a good day to catch up on some reading and get some laundry done. And it was.

Later this evening, I was finishing up some laundry and the phone rang. It was my friend Robin. She said she had received a call from the floor crew at our office and that Friday's storms and tornado warnings had apparently caused a leak on the roof. The ceiling tiles had given way in my office and water had landed all over my desk. She didn't know if my computer was damaged or how bad things were but I might want to go have a look.

I threw on some sweats and a t-shirt and headed that way. My daughter met me over there and we checked the damage, sorting through the wet papers and checking the electronics. I called our facilities people to get them there first thing in the morning and then my daughter and I headed for home.

As I started to pull out onto the main street, there were no vehicles any where near me. I pulled out and the next thing I knew, a truck was flying up on my bumper and leaning on some weird horn that sounded like a train. He had to have been going 75 miles an hour to reach me that quickly. He pulled into the turn lane on my left and began cursing at me over his PA system. He rode beside me, yelling at me. I pulled over into the right lane and slowed down thinking he would go on. He didn't. My daughter saw this all happening and came up beside me, pulling between me and him.

Redneck pulled up in front of her and she moved over in the right lane in front of me. Then I became concerned because she is one tough cookie and no one better mess with her Mama. She called me on the cell phone. I answered immediately and said "DO NOT chase him!!!" She laughed and said "What is this crazy idiot doing?" Redneck started to drive away, turned the same way we had to turn but eventually he turned off the road we were on. I honked at him and waved. That was probably a mistake.

We continued towards home and my daughter drove on ahead. The next thing I knew, Redneck was flying up behind me again. He pulled around beside me and began yelling at me again over his PA. Who has a PA on a truck? At first I ignored him. He continued to yell. He called me a stupid bi***. I held up my phone and acted like I was dialing. He yelled "Go ahead, do you want my tag number?" I yelled back "Got it". He said "Go on, call, you fat bi***!" Then he did a u-turn and went the other way.

I breathed a little sigh of relief. Then I said the "F" word about 10 times. I called my daughter back and shared with her that the idiot had returned. We called him some inappropriate names until we arrived home.

So now I have decided to handle things the Southern way. No, I will not get a shotgun and blow his tires out. I thought about it. But in the end, all I can say is "Bless his heart". And wonder if he had a bad Easter. Of course I am blessing his heart through my teeth right now. Maybe tomorrow I can say it with conviction.

Or not.


Brian Andreas said...

This is a GREAT story, Tere. Scary, funny & great. My grandmother was from North Carolina, from a shrimp boat family. By the time my sister & I came along I hear she had mellowed considerably, but from stories, she could gut a sailor in a minute or less with words I get a little squirmy even just reading.

So, it seems to me that you handled it the Southern way both times... :-)

with love, Brian

Katie said...

AND on the holiest day of the entire year no less! What a cookoo!

Andie, aka Andemonium said...

HOLY CRAP. Hahahaha.