Friday, February 27, 2009


This photo at left is of a chalkboard outside a spa. But today, it is my mantra.

Every couple of years I go through some kind of self-awareness awakening. I guess we all have an ongoing evolution but we are not always aware until things happen to cause us to re-think and re-route ourselves in a different direction. At times, it's little personality quirks of which we realize we just need to rid ourselves. On other occasions, circumstances force us into looking in the mirror and facing things we don't really want to see.

The last two weeks have been so busy and I have not had a lot of time to do the things I love - photography, blogging, etc. I have been taking photography classes two nights a week and, while I am enjoying the heck out of them, they are cutting into my spare evening time. I have been traveling for work and that always takes my head out of my normal routine.

Last week I was in Washington, D.C. for work. It was a long week - long days, meetings, and what we sometimes call "re-interviewing" for our job. I had a great year. There were honors. There were awards. I received a special honor for which I am so grateful. And an Ipod Touch as a reward for success - it's my favorite new gadget. But I also had to look at myself and accept some tough stuff.

For instance, I sometimes think things are stupid, frustrating, silly, and no matter how hard I try to keep it off my face, it shows. I have been working on that for more than 20 years. I will never be able to play poker.

Although I am really good at what I do and very confident, when I need to show that confidence and tell people how good I am, I hesitate, feeling that I don't want to appear cocky or egotistical. I am not good in interviews, and consequently "re-interviews".

I make assumptions that, because I am successful, that people understand what I do and how I do it. And that other successful people do things the same way I do. When asked to share my "secrets" with others, I really couldn't.

And if I don't get "me" time . . . I am no good to anyone.

So I am in a phase of renewal. I need "me" time and I have to carve that out of even the busiest weeks, no matter what. I have to develop a poker face. I need to figure out how to take my confidence and allow it to shine. I must be proud of my success but be able to share with others specific ways they can take my ideas and use them for their own success.

Renewal is ongoing. It can be hard. Suggestions are appreciated cause I don't have answers to a lot of this. But it is time to face it and work on it.



storypeople said...

At this very moment, I'm thinking we could start a club. :) I'm ALSO thinking that, for me, the story is not about renewal, but really, just doing it - with true gratitude and good humor and happiness - and letting everyone else handle their part of the story.